We all know what it’s like to go through a breakup or the loss of a spouse and/or child. The one person in the world who made you feel alive and gave you meaning in life is now gone for one reason or another. When this happens, we often times feel like there is no reason for us to continue existing; it’s like our entire worth has been taken away, because the next time we seek to find that approval from our loved one, he or she is not there to give it.
Many websites for men try and push the “alpha male” model for men when dating, and though I am not completely opposed to the alpha male model, I do believe there is one key ingredient missing. Now, what I am about to write for you can be understood for both males and females; I’m simply using the alpha male model to help illustrate my point.
The alpha male model teaches men how to be successful with women and to be a high valued male. This means, in a nutshell, that men are men and should not seek to find primary affirmation or approval from women. Why? Because women, being human, will eventually let you down in one way or another. The alpha male model teaches the truth that if a man puts his woman on the approval pedestal for the entirety of their lives, one day that woman is going to let the man down and his self-worth is going to be compromised or even destroyed.
Consider the man who was happily married for 25 years to his amazing wife, when one day she decides to forsake the relationship and call off the marriage. Though the man ought to be crushed either way, if the man has, for 25 years, looked only to his wife for approval of his manhood or affirmation of his reason for existence, he will fail to find that approval once she is gone. Likewise, if the woman allows her husband’s judgement to be the soul approval for her worth or affirmation of her reason for existence, and he leaves, she will have lost her crutch and will fall to her knees. So what is the solution to this? Christians are not excluded from marriages or relationships falling apart, so how is a Christian to deal with this sort of thing? I would like to show you that though a Christian can look to his or her spouse for some approval, as well as looking to him or herself for some approval, there is someone else whom should be primary in approving his or her worth.
Let me ask you a question, what did Jesus not have before coming to earth that he now has since he ascended back? Think about it. YOU. Yes, Christ’s incarnation and atonement were to bring glory to his father, but the prize at the end of the journey was that he gets to live with us for eternity! This was once something I just couldn’t understand; it just didn’t make sense to me. But since I’ve started to get older and experience relationships of my own, I see the true weight of this matter. Here’s the point: you are the reason for his life. And when I say “life,” I mean the life which Jesus chose to endure for us. As cliché as it sounds, Jesus went to the cross for you! He didn’t have to, but praise God he did! So in other words, we can say that we are his reason for living, because if we never existed, he would never have became human and endured death like he did.
So let me ask this: who should we be looking to for our primary approval? Should we be like modernity says and look to our spouse who will one day let us down or, God forbid, die and then be unable to give us that approval? Or should we go with the traditional alpha male model and find approval in ourselves, who will one day be bedridden in old age or unable to do the things we once did in our youth? Or should we follow the biblical paradigm and look unto the one who will not leave us, will not die, and who gave up everything just so that you could have everything in return?
I hope that you can now see the reality of Christ’s sacrifice for you and how no Christian can possibly expect to find such approval for his or her existence anywhere else but in God himself. Jesus says, “You are more worthy than this world itself.” Why don’t we start believing him and begin to live life knowing that though the girl or guy in your life let you down, the king of the universe will never?